Having lunch with a friend the other day, she mentioned that she has been experiencing pretty deep anxiety about a sick relative. She knows she should be preparing for her relative’s death but, geesh, it is too awful to contemplate. My friend is anxious that she won’t be able to cope.
All of us know that there is scary stuff in our lives. Will we be able to manage? What will it feel like to get the final word? And if something scary is happening for you now, when will it end??
Questions like these are natural but may be fuelling your anxiety and stress. There may be practical matters to which you must attend, but can you get a break from this worry any time soon?
Well meaning friends may suggest a vacation or spa trip or retail therapy, all of which are fun and will probably distract you for a bit. But in order to survive life’s challenges with some semblance of sanity and even joyfulness intact, you need a more “every day” solution.
The practice of mindfulness can be a welcome break from the stress of these trying times.
“But I am so anxious, I can’t imagine sitting still and clearing my thoughts!” would be a common response to the above suggestion.
Mindfulness is not about changing your environment, or erasing your problems. It is not about being perfectly “zen” and not caring about your life. Mindfulness is a deliberate cultivation of a prescribed amount of time each day spent allowing all the ugliness and discomfort just as it is. If that sounds scary in itself, you are not alone. Imagine being left alone to imagine the worst with nothing to distract you??!! Please know that Mindfulness is above all based in compassion and kindliness. The researchers and teachers of Mindfulness understand that crazy mind of ours and have developed strategies for helping us find more peace with what is.
So what is Mindfulness practice? First, let’s discuss why it is helpful.
When our mind worries, or catastrophizes, a certain neuro-chemical response is created in the brain and floods our bodies with specific markers of stress. For many of us, these worry thoughts are chronic therefore our stress response is always bubbling away in the background. This is tremendously fatiguing and wearing on the system. Getting forgetful, losing joy in everyday tasks, feeling like you can’t sleep enough are all symptoms of chronic stress (among a host of others).
Deliberately cultivating alternative thought patterns will produce an opposite neuro-chemical response and repair the damaging effects of chronic stress. This is not a saccharin sort of “put on a happy face” or “fake it til you make it” sort of false positivity. You’re really too smart to truly buy into that.
Mindfulness is a segment of time (maybe 20 minutes a day) where you softly, compassionately, quietly and faithfully allow the feelings and thoughts just as they are. When you receive the worry or panic or catastrophization without reaction, you dampen the neuro-chemical stress response. It loses power.
One of my teachers calls it “creating space” for the problem. Instead of pushing it away or pretending it doesn’t exist or wishing for something else, just step aside for a brief time. Watch how your physical body wants to brace or tense against the stress, then let it go as best as you can.
This 20 minute practice can be greatly assisted by utilizing internet resources if a live teacher is not available. This script (see video) is from the founder of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and can be utilized while in bed or seated in a chair. Another option is from Dr. Richard Miller who pioneers 'Rest (a form of guided meditation/relaxation' that has shown great results with military vets among others). Listen here. Both of these practices can be done lying down which is necessary if you feel very worn down by the problem.
This seems deceptively simple - just listening to a calming voice walk you through a few minutes of daydreaming really. But research (see article here) on Mindfulness is compelling and exciting.
No one can erase the challenges of your life. It’s complicated and messy from time to time. But Mindfulness can help you find a balance to the chronic stress and anxiety that these worries bring to you.
